Self-Medication for a Broken Heart
I was looking for answers at the bottom of the bottle. I was on the train coming to class when I got a message from a person I didn’t know. It was my girlfriends new lover; his conscious was weighing on him and he had to come clean. My high school sweetheart, the woman I thought I would one day marry was finding creature comforts elsewhere. Suddenly the bed I had made for us was gone and I was lost. She didn’t deny any of it, I had the messages, how could she? What was the end of 5 years together was the beginning of my bender. With money to spend and sorrows to drown I began to drink. It started out innocent enough. A beer here and there. But as the days gave way to nights I started drinking every day. Throughout the month of November I did not go to sleep sober. I told my friends it was because I was 21 now and I was just getting it out of my system, I would laugh and they would brush it off. Why wouldn’t they? I was always laughing and joking around. No one had to know what I was looking for at the bottom on those bottles. In fact I didn’t know until I saw it. It was my own blue eyes looking back at me. I could put on a smile, I could try to drink away the pain, but it would forever pool in my eyes. I broke down. But the beauty of breaking down is that allows you to grow stronger. I threw away the bottles and started acting like a human again. The pain is still there, maybe it will always be, but I think that is what makes life worth living.
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